Thursday, April 5, 2012

Is this real life?

I feel like I've been asking myself this question a lot lately. Whether its something to do with work, church or my own personal life this question has come to mind more than once. For starters, I got a raise and a promotion at work. I now make more money than I ever have in my life. Its a cool thought for 5 seconds and then I realize how pathetic it is and I'm quickly brought back to earth. I feel extremely blessed to even have a job right now though and especially one that I enjoy, for the most part. Church has been rough. Ive been working really hard at trying to make it a positive experience, but sometimes its reeeeealllllllly hard, ok 90% of the time its hard. Im not your typical mormon girl. I dont bake boys pies, I dont beg for attention, and I will make fun of you without thinking twice. I dont fit the mold in the ward and I think guys are slowly figuring that out. Ive been trying to be more social, I go to more activities, I talk to more than just the people in my little group group of friends, I promise im really trying! So believe it or not while I was at FHE, a guy came up to me and asked me on a date. I wasnt interested in him but I respected the fact that he thought I was cool enough to ask out. So I agreed and we set up a time. Skip to that night it ended up being later than planned, my fault, and so we decided to do a movie. I picked the shortest movie available due to the fact that in the 5 minute drive to the theater he punched me in the knee 3 times. As the movie begins he instantly grabs my hand. At first I was like what the heck?? But then he started rubbing my arm so I let it slide, I love that. Anywho 5 minutes later he starts rubbing my neck, creepy? Yes. Then he moves to my jawline. Even weirder?? Yes. Instantly I move my head away to let him know I dont like it. He stops... for 5 minutes. So he starts with my jawline again and he moves over to my chin. He literally starts grabbing my chin, meanwhile Im thinking in my mind, "1. Who the freak is this guy? 2. Am I being punked?? 3. Is this real life???" My head is tilted all the way over and I feel like im drowning just barely keeping my head above water. I physically took his hand and put it back in his lap. I was so close to walking out and calling my brother to come get me, thats how bad it was. Kinda funny? Yes. But at the same time seriously traumatizing. I felt violated. He even had the audacity to make a little joke about it at the end of the night. I wanted to punch him in the balls. Needless to say there wont be a second date.
Other than that life has been ok. I need to move on but I dont know where. Everyday it is becoming apparent that here is not where im supposed to be. The biggest trial for me now is figuring out where that place is.
To end this post on the bright side, I did get to see my very best friend a couple weeks ago. She was here for spring break and I came up for her brothers wedding. Unfortunately we somehow forgot to take a million pictures of ourselves while we were together, but fortunately we got one. And unfortunately it wont let me upload it. Maybe next time.


caitlin said...

i love this post. first of all, what a creep! do i know him? that IS kinda funny, but i can also see how it was traumatizing haha. if it makes you feel better, i work with a dude who is/was a registered sex offender in Nevada for multiple counts, and yesterday he gave me a very creepy hug. fuhh.

and i hear you about not being your typical mormon girl. i think guys are starting to figure that out about me too. makes it hard. but it's kinda one of those things like, sorry i'm not sorry. one guy will understand me one day. ha.

also, i know what you mean about not knowing where you're supposed to be and what you're supposed to be doing. i'm right there with ya. sucks. i don't wanna work retail for the rest of my life, or move towns simply because i'm sick of a place, ya know? i wanna feel like i have a purpose in doing what i'm doing. ugh. so i totally know where you're coming from. hope you figure it out. i kinda miss hanging out with you!

Emily said...

Sooo the story of your date made me laugh. But it was a laugh and shudder. What a weirdy!

Patrick and Lacey said...

danni. oh my gosh. I will punch that douche so hard in the wiener. How could a guy ever think that he could treat you that way? seriously? just because you're not fake and probably say "bitch tits!" Doesn't mean you are a slut or that you aren't an awesome girl. I hate that dude seriouslyl and if your dad knew about him I bet he would find his house and shoot his hands off. I love you danni. you will figure things out. I would love to talk to you sometime! keep your head up pretty girl.